To my right boob

Thank you for nourishing my baby. He is a hearty 24lbs now and half of that is down to you. You have done a sterling job. Well done.

The only thing is, you are a NUISANCE! Every time James has a feed you can’t resist squirting at all angles and making him choke. People look over at us in coffee shops to see what I’m doing to my baby, and as his eyes water and I pat him gently on the back you add insult to injury by continuing to shoot milk all over the place. Thankfully James is a tenacious little guy and won’t give up until he’s full, but come on, it’s like you’ve stolen his only birthday present (at least, that’s the face he pulls when you’ve made him cry). In fact if he wasn’t so determined, we’d have been in trouble.

I understand that many many women have a troublesome boob. Maybe you’re all in league together to make an otherwise straightforward biological process that bit harder, I don’t know. But I do know that I’d like you to ease up and stop being such a pesky boob!

Thank you.

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